duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
