think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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