Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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