Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
