took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
