My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
