my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
