i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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