Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
