I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
