i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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