"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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