I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
