I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
