You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
