just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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