i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
