Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We are two peas in an std pod
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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