thus making me awesome and them whores
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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