The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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