Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
