Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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