Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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