she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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