you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
