party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
