My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
