I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
