I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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