Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
