Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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