There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
