So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
