The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
