I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
