Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
