garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
