You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
