Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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