Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
