chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I am morally bankrupt
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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