There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think my vagina is haunted
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
