Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
