Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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