I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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