I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
