I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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