i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
