Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
