Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We are two peas in an std pod
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
