Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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