I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
